Pinatas Are For Pentagons

Tomorrow is my sister's fourteenth birthday party (or like, 6th because she was never a real party planner person) and I totally remember how she feels, as if it was only two years ago...

Like any fourteen year old, she wants a pinata so guess what we got her? A pinata.

I think buying the stupid strawberry shaped piece of cardboard and frilly tissue paper made most of my day. Oh and buying candy. Definitely buying candy to fill the thing up because we didn't buy your average bubble gum or lollipops, we got motherfucking tic-tac packs. Well okay, there's three of them in there but seriously those three alone curb stomp lollipops.

I might take a picture of the wreckage later. I can't wait to see my dad's face when he sees the gigantic strawberry lying in the living room floor. I feel so high looking at it because like, a huge ass strawberry in your living room? Takes awhile to process.

I actually wasn't going to talk about the pinata but the people I saw while just buying the thing and grocery shopping. This is just proof that bluetooths are the dyke of all inventions because I overheard a man talking on his.

I'm serious when I heard him say, "Yo man, did you get my ID? Like my passports and shit because I'ma need that to leave the country guy."

Sketchy? Doubt it because he could just be taking a really awesome vacation or something to like, Mexico. Who doesn't want to go there? It's fucking Mexico. Without those guys, we wouldn't have burritos and where would we be without burritos? I don't even want to know. Back inventing the wheel or something I guess.

Anyways, then I looked at him. He looked at me. Well, down at me because he was pretty tall and I guess I looked up at him in this whole "I've seen the light" manner because the lights at Wal Mart in the baby section are pretty damn bright. Then I saw his bluejays hat. Not a fitted like with the sticker, just a hat with like a bluejays logo. So obviously he was a drug dealer.

I was like, "DRUG DEAAAAAAAAAAAALERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" With this whole righteous look on my face.

And he was all like, "No! I'm going on a vacation to Mexico!"

And then I was like, "TO SELL DRUGS?!?!? I SEE YOU MAN. I SEE YOU."

Then we had this whole car chase scene inside Wal Mart and I was like cruising through isles and he's like running for his dear life.

True story.