Dying From Starvation

Dear my millions of faithful readers,

               I have bad news to bring you. This may be my last post. I know what you’re thinking; “Oh no! The world will surely perish imNOTjohn without your posts”. However, I know I have taught you many lessons in these past few weeks. Please, take these life lessons with you and teach others. Spread my awesome words of wisdom!

              Why you ask, why does the awesome, epic and tall blogger have to go?! Well, I am only human. Being human leaves you many responsibilities such as breathing, blinking and eating.

             I am one of the laziest eaters alive. You give me too much, I’ll take an extremely long time to finish it. However, if you give me less, I will take the same amount of time. Therefore, it seems more productive in my head if I simply don’t eat sometimes but for the sake of this post, let us say I am stuck somewhere…

             Like the Sahara desert! I am dying from starvation in the Sahara desert! Why am I here? Well, I was flying on my magical carpet to India because I am a stereotypical racist and accidentally crashed into a crazy asian driver going 60 miles over the speed limit. I plunged into the sand and now, here I am, writing my last post before the sun sets and the wolves eat me alive.

          Please, do not forget me or my legacy as the leader of the TEACUP kingdom. I will forever be your king and not that other guy. GOOD BYE MY READERS. PARTING IS SUCH SWEET SARROW.

          Oh look dinner.