Last Words of a Bitchy Soul

Duu duu duu ~

I'm not going to write an elegant lyrical piece to explain my emotions (I agree it's pretty but not very practical to my approach).  I wanted to get it out of my system.  I was the arsonist behind this fire.  I take the blame, although I guess people would object, nonetheless, I take the blame.  I over think, I'm a demanding bitch, I accept it.  At this point, I am going to take the easy, cowardly way out of the situation, and I will no longer mention what has happened, after this post, I will feign ignorance to everything (like what some of you hoped I would do, in other words, stop thinking so much).

I'm scared.  I'm terrified every time I confront people because I know it will make me feel like shit after words whether it was intended or not...  What brings me to confront people?  Because I care too much for absolutely no reason (from what I'm hearing).

What has made me this way?  Why do I think so much?  Hell, I have a fucken shit load of family problems that I don't even think as much about.  Show's where my priorities stand right?  I play ignorance to all my family matters, so why can't I with my friends?  Do you seriously think just because I never show depression towards family, that my life is just peachy perfect?  I have other things I should be worrying about.

So I give up.  Please don't drag me back in, re-awakening my emotions.  I love you all deeply, and I am terribly sorry this has happened to us because of me (clearly illustrated in my over-emotional feelings on Tuesday). I no longer know what you guys want to happen anymore.  These conflicting decisions and ideas just make me smirk at my lack of understanding.  I don't even have the emotions left to be sad... all I can feel right now is this emptiness...

I will not give up on this blog, I am going to continue posting just like I used to, I'm sorry I was actually about to post something I noticed was funny on Monday, but I couldn't bare to be funny after the depression I was overwhelmed with when our deeply treasured contributors left our blog...  But you know what?  Life goes on.

I'm sorry if this post attacked you all.  I totally understand if you hate me right now.  I don't deserve all of you.  I'm not worth you worrying about, I'm just this lowly emotional person whom you would be stupid to waste your time on.  I know creating a friendship with me has been more trouble than it has been worth.  Please don't get me wrong, I don't wanna further provoke you, but this is how I treat myself, this is my true self-esteem, my self-esteem is crap low and it has always been.  I have been hiding myself behind this facade.  I take the leader role because I feel so insecure that I believe if I don't do anything you'll all eventually get bored and leave.  My pride has forbidden me to say so, but you know what?  Screw pride.

- FriendlyFIRE

P.S.
LMAO I realized the irony behind my name.
Friendly - with nice intentions
Fire - the fire I started